No matter your age, talking about sex can be, well, awkward. It starts by having “the talk” with your parents, then the dreaded sex-ed videos in high school, and then on to real adulting, which means sitting down with your partner and discussing your sex life. At any stage, any age, these conversations can be uncomfortable.
But uncomfortable or not, sexual communication is not only the key to sexual satisfaction, but it will also translate into other areas of your relationship in a positive way. If you’re looking to kick your sex life up a notch, in more ways than just rattling the headboard, keep on reading! We’re pulling back the curtains and sharing all the reasons why communication is the secret to mind-blowing sex, and how you can improve your sexual communication with your partner. So, let’s pretend like I’m your best gal pal and talk sex, shall we?
What Is Sexual Communication?
Sexual communication is the degree to which partners can discuss their preferences regarding sex. This can mean talking about likes, dislikes, desires, needs, or really anything involving your sex life. If you feel comfortable enough, sexual communication can even be a great way to discuss past experiences, and how those might affect you currently. Always remember that sexual communication should be a safe space for both you and your consenting partner.
How Does Communication Affect Your Sex?
Regardless of whether you’re in an open, healthy, amazing relationship, talking about sex can make anyone feel embarrassed. Society and our culture have taught us that sex is “dirty”, or that it’s inappropriate to talk about it. Sexual communication can also seem a little intimidating or scary when you’re worried about offending your partner.
But a safe, healthy, and fulfilling sex life is only further improved when you’re able to talk about it. Hollywood has made it seem like we should intuitively know our partner’s desires, but the truth is, unless we talk about it, we can’t know for certain. Here are just a few of the benefits you can expect when you allow yourself to become vulnerable with your partner and have conversations about sex.
1. Better sex.
Let’s start with the obvious—mind-blowing sex! It goes without saying that when you talk about what you want and receive it, pleasure is inevitable. Not only that, but communicating while you’re actually…gettin’ it on…can also spice things up and keep things interesting!
2. Connection.
Communication is the key to connection. It allows you and your partner to be vulnerable with one another. An open dialogue about sex with your partner helps you connect with them on a deeper, more intimate level.
3. Frequency.
Okay, if someone were to ask a person if they’d enjoy having sex more frequently, most people would say yes. It’s human nature to crave sexual intimacy! So if I told you that the more you talk about sex the more likely you are to it, would you believe me? Research shows that sexual communication leads to more orgasms and a higher frequency of intercourse. [1]
4. Self-esteem.
Okay ladies, is there anything more empowering than taking control in the bedroom? I’m not talking about Doms and Subs here, I’m simply talking about knowing what you want, what your partner wants, and doing what’s necessary to ensure you’re both left feeling happy and satisfied. Knowing your partner’s desires and needs, as well as respecting their limits and no-go zones when it comes to sex, helps boost sexual self-esteem in the bedroom.
5. Umbrella effect.
Because sex is one of the more uncomfortable conversations to have, healthy, open sexual communication can oftentimes lead to open dialogue in other areas of your relationship. It builds trust and openness and breaks down barriers for feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. It allows you to build a more trusting and honest relationship with your partner.
Sexual Communication Quiz
Is your sexual communication where you want it to be? Not sure? No problem! Check out these questions and take some time to sit with yourself and evaluate them. How do you talk about sex? And if you don’t, what are some ways you can address your sexual preferences or sexual issues?
- Do I make healthy sexual requests to my partner?
- Do I talk about what I want?
- Do I communicate my desires?
- Do I talk to my partner about my sexual desires without making them feel inadequate?
- Am I holding back saying certain things to my partner?
- How attracted to my partner am I?
- Are there things that would make me more attracted?
- Do I think my partner is attracted to me?
- Are there things that hold me back from talking about what I want?
- How do react when my partner brings up our sex life?
- How does my partner want to be pleasured?
- What are my partner’s limits in the bedroom, and with sex in general?
- What makes my partner feel loved?
- What makes my partner feel sexy and desired?
All of these are healthy questions to think about with yourself. And if you feel comfortable enough, discuss it with your partner as well. After thinking through some of these questions, decide the appropriate response. Do you like your answers? Do you wish they were different? If so, what are some of the ways you can address them?
When talking with your partner about sex and the questions above, there are a few things to consider.
- Remember that timing is important. Decide whether or not it is the right time to bring this up, and if it is, where is a place both you and your partner will feel comfortable at?
- Love languages. When having these discussions, keep in mind both you and your partner’s love language, and how you both might respond/react because of it.
- Positive reinforcement is a great way to avoid defensiveness and helps keep the conversation positive, productive, and healthy.
- Constructive feedback is another important aspect when it comes to sexual communication. It’s a healthy way to express what you want, and what you might want to change.
While these types of conversations can be difficult, if there was ever one single way to improve your sex life, sexual communication is it! Take the time to think about what you want to say, and open yourself up to feedback as well. Happy sexting 🙂