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8 Ways To Boost Sexual Confidence (& Spice Up Your Sex Life!)

Written by Lauren Villa

We all want to feel more confident and sexy, but very few of us know how to go about bringing more pleasure into our sex lives. Learn how practicing self-care can boost sexual confidence (and even spice up your sex life!)

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Are you having a hard time “getting in the mood”? Don’t worry, it’s super common amongst women—especially busy women. If your days are spent amidst a wild swirl of running from childcare, to work, and then to the gym, you’re probably tired and stressed. And you guessed it—stress leads to low sexual desire and low sexual desire can negatively affect your happiness and relationships at work and home. AH! 😰

The good news is, you can improve your sexual desire by giving yourself permission to soften and take care of yourself—resulting in a boost of sexual confidence! It might feel vulnerable to make time for your mind and body, but it’s actually totally okay and healthy to carve out alone time so that you can connect with numero uno. You!

So how do you start?

Take time to put aside the errands, kids, job stuff, and everyday distractions and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

sexual confidence

The benefits of taking time for yourself are profound. When you take time to focus on your own health and happiness you experience some pretty awesome results: Like becoming more confident and creative. Studies also show that self-care can lead to greater well-being at work.

Sounds like a pretty good deal.

You take care of yourself and in turn you get… a happier and more confident you!

And when you’re happier, you’ll want to do things that bring you pleasure—like, you know…getting in the mood.

We all want to feel more confident and sexier, but very few of us know how to go about bringing more pleasure into our sex lives. Fortunately, if you follow these self-care tips to prioritize your needs, you may find that getting into the mood and feeling like your best self will come easier than you think. With that said, here’s what we’ll cover:

We’ll also go into more detail on…

So, get ready to boost that self-confidence, and in turn, spice up things behind the scenes 😉

sexual confidence


What Is Self-Care?

The term self-care is circulated around the internet every day, but what does it actually mean?

Self-care is doing anything that makes you feel the most like yourself. Yep, it’s that easy. It’s more than bath salts and massages—it encompasses spiritual, emotional, financial, physical, and mental health practices that make you a better version of yourself. When you feel closer to who you are, rather than who you think you should be, you show up in a more authentic way.

And authentic is sexy.

Because authentic is confident.

Icing on the cake? Studies show that people who have sexual confidence and believe they are worthy of being desired heal from illness faster, live longer, and enjoy overall better levels of well-being and happiness.

Sign me up! 🙋‍♀️

self care and sexual confidence


What Is Sexual Confidence?

Women who know their bodies have better sex. They have more fun while they’re at it.


Have you ever seen someone strut into a room and you can just tell they have a super healthy relationship with their body? There is something in the way they hold themselves. They aren’t self-conscious or overly concerned about what others think about their tummy or teeth or butt or laugh or thighs.

This creates an almost mystical quality about them, and you likely feel drawn to them. You see them rocking a pair of cute jeans or a killer top that just screams… I am a sexually confident being.

Well guess what? You can get there too. You can be that person.

You and only you are in control of building your confidence.

Everyone is beautifully unique in how they take care of themselves. Your wellness journey begins with tuning into what you need to feel good. And along the way, you will uncover so many aspects of yourself—including the sexual goddess within.

Go ahead, find that lipstick, order that health supplement, and go shopping for that pair of heels. You deserve it, babe. 👸

confident woman


How To Boost Your Sexual Confidence

What’s the first secret that all sexually confident women know?

Sexual confidence is not, nor has it ever been, about having a “great” body. In fact, older women may have more self-confidence than their younger sis-stars.


Sexually confident women know that the act of sex is not about pleasing other people, but about pleasing themselves. These women know what makes them feel good because they’ve spent time exploring their own bodies.

They have an aura that verbalizes to others: You want me. And I get to decide if I want you.

sexual confidence


8 Ways Self-Care Can Spice Up Your Sex Life

You know what they say… life is about having fun.

What’s more fun than feeling sexy, young, and free? Here are 8 ways that you can use self-care to tune into your sensual self.

“We have to care about our bodies and what we put in them. Women have to take the time to focus on our mental health—take time for self, for the spiritual, without feeling guilty or selfish. The world will see you the way you see you, and treat you the way you treat yourself,” -Beyoncé

how self care can spice up your sex life


1. Meditate And Connect With Your Breath

Everyday stressors like bills, work, and traffic have a bigger effect on your sexual desire than you’d imagine. When you’re stressed, your flight or fight hormones are activated, which decreases your libido. Before you crawl into bed with yourself or your lover, make sure you take the time to de-stress.

Because what sets the sexually confident woman apart from the others?

She’s relaxed.

You can listen to guided meditations and uplifting spiritual podcasts to help clear your mind and slow down your breathing. Making these simple but powerful tweaks to your routine can help you ground yourself in loving and open energy.

You don’t want to drag your stress into drinks, dinner, or sex and neither does your date!

Learning how to breathe is a powerful tool during sex too. For example, tantra practices focus on consciously weaving breath into the act of sex. When you and your partner connect with breath, you’ll both experience a greater awareness of the physical and spiritual body and enhance your ability to connect with another.

Try this simple breathing exercise: Find a comfortable place to lie down. Place your hands on your belly. Take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your belly up with air. Exhale. Do these 5 times. Visualize the breath moving through the nostrils and into the body. Visualize the breath moving to the groin and legs and imagine a warm, orange color there. Connect with this powerful energy, feeling the desire fill up this region. This is the center of your body connected to sex, creativity, and manifestation.

“Sometimes I give myself a break. So I will retreat a moment from the fray, just to breathe,” –Former First Lady Michelle Obama

meditation and sexual confidence


2. Look At Your Body With A Fresh Pair Of Eyes

Here’s a novel idea.

What if, when you undress in front of the mirror, and look at your naked body… you celebrated it instead of criticizing it?

I know… revolutionary.

Start replacing your inner monologue with these mantras of positive self-love: 💖

Jot these down on sticky notes and put them around your house and on your mirror. Read them every freakin’ day. Say them out loud to yourself while you’re getting ready.

Trust me, changing your mentality will change the way you think about yourself in bed.

Here’s your homework:

Get naked and stand in front of your mirror. Put on your favorite song and move organically to the music. Admire how your body moves. Tune into your sensual self and appreciate where your body is today.

Now, take a super sexy selfie. Find that flattering lighting and snap some cute pics… just for you. Admire your body from different angles and celebrate your sexuality! You have to think your body is beautiful before you expect anyone else to.

woman looking in mirror and admiring her beauty.


3. Get More Sleep So You Can Have Awesome Sex

Everyone on the planet is telling you to sleep more. It’s on the news, in magazines, and every single blog. But, did you know that sleep can improve your sex life? If you don’t get enough sleep, you’re less likely to find yourself in the mood. More sleep can increase your desire for sex, and sex helps you get better sleep.

And you know what’s the biggest complaint women have when they see sex therapists?

Low desire. Women report that lack of sleep is the biggest reason they have a low desire to get it on.

Reclaim your sex drive and sensuality by making your nighttime routine all about you. This is the time to be selfish. Give yourself an hour or two to unwind and fully relax by figuring out what you like and dislike.

Your nighttime ritual may include any combination of:

get more sleep so you can have awesome sex


4. Make Your Space Sexy

The space you sleep is important. Fill your space with all the positive and sexy vibes you need to get it on!

Start by brainstorming everything you need to get in the mood and make a shopping list. You might want to grab:

Not only will a nighttime routine help you connect with your sexy and spiritual self, it will put you in a mental space to truly feel amazing in your body.

romanic space


5. Getting Sweaty Is Salty and Sexy

Working out can feel intimidating if it’s not something you’re doing on a regular basis. We all have terribly busy lives and exercise falls to the bottom of the list quickly.

With discipline, start incorporating even a short 30-minute workout session into your day and reap some totally awesome benefits, including:

And since getting started can be the hardest part, we love SkinnyFit Jump Start pre-workout. Add one pink-lemonade flavored scoop to 8 oz. of water 15-30 minutes before your cardio workout and feel an extra boost of energy to help you get sweaty. It even promotes increased endurance and a happy mood.

Next, plug in that awesome playlist and get your sweat on! Unleash the lioness within! 🦁

If you’re still wearing that oversized t-shirt from college when you hit the gym, it’s time for a change. Treat yourself to a workout wardrobe that makes you feel sexy. This will incentivize you to put it on because it will make you feel good. And this is all about increasing that aura of confidence.

RELATED: The Best Quick Cardio Workout for People Who Hate Cardio!

how exercise can boost sexual confidence


6. Pamper Yourself

Pampering yourself should be a non-negotiable. It should be on your calendar. For example, Oprah uses Sundays as her pampering day. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Oprah is a brilliant example of how to take care of yourself, so you can show up to every aspect of life.

How about just doing one simple thing for yourself every day? Pampering yourself doesn’t have to be a beauty routine. Call a friend for a long chat, take a health supplement, read a book under a fuzzy blanket, make a nice breakfast, surround yourself with nature, clean your kitchen, or take your car for an oil change.

Give yourself full permission to have fun, relax, and to play.

Here are some small ways you can work a pamper session into your daily routine:

“I always give myself Sundays as a spiritual base of renewal—a day when I do absolutely nothing. I sit in my jammies or take a walk, and I allow myself time to BE—capital B-E—with myself.” -Oprah

RELATED: 7 Strategies to Create A Kickass Self-Care Routine [+Examples!]

how self care can boost sexual confidence


7. Eat clean

It’s common sense, but when you eat clean—AKA whole fruits, fresh veggies, and plenty of water, your body works at its optimal level. When your system is running clean, it helps increase blood flow to some pretty important areas—even your lady parts!

Not only does eating clean increase blood flow, it gives you confidence. When you slip on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, or a sexy pair of underwear, you’ll feel lighter.

If you’re looking for a way to feel less bloated, try SkinnyFit Belly Balance. It’s a daily supplement that helps decrease bloating while you eat a healthy diet. It is all-natural, gluten-free, dairy-free, non-GMO, and soy-free! The ingredients like alfalfa, oat seed, and aloe vera are carefully chosen to promote healthy digestion keep that tummy calm and happy.

how eating heathy can boost sexual confidence


8. Know What Turns You On

Having a healthy and satisfying sex life starts with, you guessed it… you. We have to be able to talk about how we feel and what we desire with an open heart and mind in order to let others in. When we are vulnerable and true with ourselves, we are able to open gates to intimacy that would otherwise remain closed. How will you know what to ask your partner if you don’t know what you want? Notice what you need in order to feel relaxed: A sexy playlist? Black lingerie? A comfortable environment?

When you’re ready to add someone to the mix, make sure to check-in with yourself first. Being sexually confident is about knowing what a sexually fulfilling relationship will look like for you.

Tonight, bust out that journal, grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and write down your answers to these questions:

Unfortunately, many of us have experienced the harmful cycle of allowing others to define our sense of self and how we express ourselves sexually. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you get to the core of your sexual self.

And, knowing what makes you happy sexually will give you the confidence to ask for what you want—inside and outside the bedroom.

know what turns you on to boost sexual confidence

The Bottom Line

The love you feel for yourself is something that you must nurture and grow. It doesn’t bloom overnight. As you practice the art of self-love you will begin to notice major shifts in how you show up for others in your life. Loving yourself will open your heart and mind to become a more loving and vulnerable person. This takes courage and it’s totally worth it.

Your sexuality can be a source of power, creativity, and joy. You can use the electricity that you are going to wake up in your body for sex, yes, but also for your own creative projects.

Sexual energy is powerful. It can be subtle, feminine, playful, strong, daring, and everything in-between. This is all about your expression of true love—for yourself and for those you are intimate with.

When you allow yourself to truly see and love your own self, you invite others to see and love you in that same way. Honor your spiritual connection to self, before anything else, and then you can grow your intimate relationships with kindness, love, respect, and trust.

Consider this work in self-care and sexual confidence a gift not only to your future self, but to your loved ones. When you are connected to who you truly are, you are able to show up for those you care about most and inspire them to be their brilliant, sensuous selves too!

Now go have yourself some sexy fun time!

how to boost sexual confidence

About The Author

Lauren Villa

Holistic Health Expert., M.P.H.

Lauren is a writer, artist, and yoga teacher and passionate about helping others live a healthy life. She has a Masters degree in Public Health with an emphasis in Maternal and Child Health and has a holistic outlook on the mind-body connection. When she isn’t writing, you will likely find her at the beach, painting, or writing poetry.

  • Certified Yoga Teacher
  • M.P.H., Maternal & Child Health
  • NASM Certified Nutrition Coach

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